“When I think of embarassing, I think the worst I have gotten is probably talking too much and vomiting in public where someone can see me…Haley, it’s hard for me to even imagine this as really happening, much less being excusable…”

(In whisper) “What…not at our house…” (faux surprise)

“Yeah, she was suing his psychic ex-fiance because she had written an account of her rape…he had a mask on, when he raped her…she was sure it was him, the only thing that saved her was that she asked him not to take his mask off and he said, ‘O.K., don’t call the police until to minutes after I leave,’…Well she offered him a glass of beer, too…”

“(Thought) She lived at this house, too?  This really is a slut-house!”

“What?”

“I think it would taste better if he tried shredding the carrots..oh you like the crunch?”

“There was never anything wrong with my license, I just had too many points to drive a city vehicle…Well, thanks for asking, Laura…”

“Dre, do you consider yourself a ginger?  I’m just kidding, you don’t have to answer that…Well you have freckles…no, your hair is not orange…”

“I’ll give it back in thirty minutes…twenty minutes…”

“Maggie!  That’s the name of our boss….oh, so cute – little puppy!  Really?  (Faux singing) Maggie May, I think I got something to say to you…I can’t remember how it goes”

“No I have to go…(hand gestures) I have to gooo….”

“Just one law of thermodynamics?…Yeah we have too many weapons anyway…That would be interesting…So airplanes run on fuel, right?….So we can’t fly?…How will we get to Europe?…No, but…oh, that’s right, Columbus sailed the ocean blue, I forgot…”

“It’s just that no one ever shows up, or cares, why do I care, whatever…”

“Yeah, I cut my bangs off, I’m starting my new mullet – wait ’til you see it tomorrow…ugh gruesome, what a horrible thought, I can’t believe I just said that…”

“I’m so proud of myself, I was trying to trick me but I ended up being tricked – I even made it to work on time!”

(After giving up my dream)”I just want to be back in that junkyard, with all the crazy people.  I was just about to have some REAL fun!”

I actually wanted to use early twenties but that is a band of local origin.  I can neither vouch for nor condemn the music they produce but the name resonates with me for reasons beyond my control and there is a funny story:  

So…

me:  Haha, The Early Twenties, well that’s better than The Late Twenties!  Being in your late twenties suck.  (I’m sorry, I was just making a dumbass comment, I have no idea what being in your late twenties is like so of course I’m just talking out of my ass)

random chick on porch:  Excuse me, I’m in my late twenties!

me:  Oh…(nervous laughter sounding like I’m trying to cough), I’m just kidding.  Sorry

Yeah…not too funny but funny in a embarassing way.

But, now to the ten!  It is not the “twilight” of my life but I really want to reference the Twilight hype of my life so just bare with me…

As sung by Tim Kasher, read-listen-learn:

Yesterday came and went and I wasn’t present (1)
The weeks were laid out like pavement
Work and drink and sleep, repeat (2)
Upon the beaten path
I kept on my blinders…
don’t need any old reminders (3)
No face. No Name. No memories. (4)

If you love it, you leave it
’cause you hate that you need it (5)
It’s the one thing you can’t have
you’re too self absorbed to change
always, “My way.” (6)

Tomorrow could come and go
and I’d sleep right through it (7)
I’m not searching for self improvement
I’m sticking to the beaten path
Here and there I come across an old acquaintance-
some old flame, some old burn victim (8)
I remember I need to forget
everything I ever said to you
If I could take it back-
I’d eat every word (9)
You want to feel like all those others feel,
but you won’t- and you never will
All that you love you lose (10)
You do. 

1. Read forthcoming novel, “I Didn’t Read the Directions: Why I applied to grad school and law school at the same time while simultaneously loosing my mind”

2. See: Gainesville FL, college town, kareoke, happy hour, Old Milwaukee

3. If you will:  ”A becoming is not a correspondence between relations.  But neither is it a resemblence, an imtitation, or, at the limit, an identification.” Deleuze and Guittari, A Thousand Plateaus.  1987, University of Minnesota Press.  Minneapolis. p.  237.

4.  Read Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven”.  

5.  Phillip Morris can eat a dick

6.  I want to make love in this club, hey, in this club, hey, in this club, hey oooooh

7.  November 27 through 30, 2008.

8.  Gainesville, Fl – Population 25.

9.  Lookup portmanteau; see the evolution-of-man-through-cooked-food theory

10.  Recession.  Florida lost 100,000+ private sector jobs, added 9,800 government jobs.