From whence you came: Quotes from myself, quoted by myself, from the end to the beginning

“Well I already took out the trash, but yeah, I’ll help you.”

“When I think of embarassing, I think the worst I have gotten is probably talking too much and vomiting in public where someone can see me…Haley, it’s hard for me to even imagine this as really happening, much less being excusable…”

(In whisper) “What…not at our house…” (faux surprise)

“Yeah, she was suing his psychic ex-fiance because she had written an account of her rape…he had a mask on, when he raped her…she was sure it was him, the only thing that saved her was that she asked him not to take his mask off and he said, ‘O.K., don’t call the police until to minutes after I leave,’…Well she offered him a glass of beer, too…”

“(Thought) She lived at this house, too?  This really is a slut-house!”

“What?”

“I think it would taste better if he tried shredding the carrots..oh you like the crunch?”

“There was never anything wrong with my license, I just had too many points to drive a city vehicle…Well, thanks for asking, Laura…”

“Dre, do you consider yourself a ginger?  I’m just kidding, you don’t have to answer that…Well you have freckles…no, your hair is not orange…”

“I’ll give it back in thirty minutes…twenty minutes…”

“Maggie!  That’s the name of our boss….oh, so cute – little puppy!  Really?  (Faux singing) Maggie May, I think I got something to say to you…I can’t remember how it goes”

“No I have to go…(hand gestures) I have to gooo….”

“Just one law of thermodynamics?…Yeah we have too many weapons anyway…That would be interesting…So airplanes run on fuel, right?….So we can’t fly?…How will we get to Europe?…No, but…oh, that’s right, Columbus sailed the ocean blue, I forgot…”

“It’s just that no one ever shows up, or cares, why do I care, whatever…”

“Yeah, I cut my bangs off, I’m starting my new mullet – wait ’til you see it tomorrow…ugh gruesome, what a horrible thought, I can’t believe I just said that…”

“I’m so proud of myself, I was trying to trick me but I ended up being tricked – I even made it to work on time!”

(After giving up my dream)”I just want to be back in that junkyard, with all the crazy people.  I was just about to have some REAL fun!”

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